Cheated… but I’m back on track now!

I haven’t written a blog for a while! Mostly because my whole life was all over the place changed work place, got a new car, a new house and I also broke my no spending rule! I bought not only one pair of trainers but two!!! I also have my eye on the new Versace chain reactions but I know someone will gift them too me for my birthday so I technically won’t buy them?! …..

anyway I’m back on track now…. and I’m going to try not to spend! I have a firm plan and I’ve done so well so far!!! So fingers crossed I can do it!!

So what’s been up? Well let me get a start with work: so I moved from one place to another, I miss the last place but the new place is awesome and the pay is so nice 🤑🤑 so I can’t really complain!

Lena: well my star⭐️baby has got a place at an independent school so she will finally start her success story in September! She has been drowning at her current school for a while but I didn’t want to move her because I liked how cultured and grounded it made her but I realised the culture was perhaps too spirited and she was getting washed down stream with some unsavoury pond life so her land dream will begin after the summer term! Yeay! And where better than an independent school for girls! I’m extremely excited! She’s very lucky to have the family she does and be the centre of a world where there is no limit to what she can do!

Me: I’m awesome I’ve been doing good been saving a tiny bit at a time. Had a hefty tax rebate I wasn’t expecting so paid my part of lenas school fees up front and booked a holiday to make up for the one that went wrong (long story). I have got better at my maths and English at college since making time to actually study! Most of all I’m happy! From no where I’m happy (prob the tax rebate) my life has become bloody amazing in the last month… 😎

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Happy birthday to Mumma ju!

It’s day 80 of my challenge, mumma julies birthday and Down syndrome awareness day! I have become more aware of DS since someone lovely I know had an amazing daughter blessed with the extra chromosome and also since I began working in the job I do now and it’s safe to say I’m a massive supporter of all thing upside downs! So today for mums birthday she wants to donate £10 to a Down syndrome charity and wear odd socks when I take her for lunch! I’m so happy with mums idea to donate money! She knows I can’t buy her anything so it’s a marvellous idea!

My no buying new challenge has been going well mostly because I have no money! Although it’s hugely boring!! And my car is killing me needing so much work done to it that it’s making up for any money I could have been saving…. I’m wondering if it is work another M.O.T at this point!!!

I recently worked for trainers which is something I’ve never done… felt really weird and wrong but so good and right when I got the trainers at the end! I’m a complete sneaker freak so new trainers was a slight cheat but I didn’t buy them so it wasn’t a complete cheat? Right? It cheered me up at least! I’ve got loads going on in the background and I’m super grumpy! Super stressed! And most of all super fed up of doing what I think makes everyone else happy! Been making lots of life decisions (scary) or life ideas rather! But keeping them close to my chest for now because I don’t know if I will go through with them anyway!

Life’s throwing curve balls at me at the moment so I’m just trying to keep up and be happy! And remember ‘you can’t please everyone’

Super depressing challenge update!

NOTHING NEW TO REPORT!

Day 62 in the big brother house….

So it’s (just) day 62 we are 2mins into day 62 as it’s only midnight! My notifications have been pressuring me that I haven’t written a post in forever so I thought I better own up….. I’m not enjoying the challenge! I’m unhappy! I mentally spend thousands of pounds in my mind everyday just imagining a life of spending! I no longer thrive on the idea I’m saving money! I’m unhappy!!! And that’s that! I want to buy things! I’m sick of this challenge 😦

but I feel like I’m being watched and I secretly don’t want to let myself down I guess but it is hard!

My car died in a retail park this week and I felt it was a sign from the debt gods that I shouldn’t have been there and I ended up having to buy a new battery for my car and I really struggled with the idea that I had gone to a retail park and left with something brand new….. and that after all my wanting to spend when I had (in Halfords) I felt like crap because I had failed my challenge but then I spoke to my good pal tiff and she said no hells its a necessity so it’s not a fail to your challenge! And my choice there and then in the retail park was a battery from Halfords or calling my breakdown to get towed to my garage to buy a battery.

Other than the car being a complete ass my life is pretty boring without shopping! I almost bought lots of things for lots of reasons but I haven’t! I’m sure summer is going to kill me!

Mentally this challenge is doing more to me that to my purse I think!

Jealousy always gets the better of me…..

So this week I’m beginning to break! I met up with a friend for dinner this week and she showed up in the most amazing grey textured jacket from top shop I was so jealous I almost walked out of giraffe and went home to cry! I couldn’t believe she wore such a beautiful jacket when she knows how hard I’m finding this challenge! And she wore it with a scarf that totally took all the attention from the inverted collar it was awful and I knew that jacket was going to die in the back of her wardrobe pretty soon like most of the cool stuff she buys and there was probably nothing I could do about it because we are different sizes! 😦 ….. I still haven’t bought anything brand new … but I have almost, sort of, kinda, nearly…. in a way cheated? I think? Well basically on one of my many wonders I came across river island and slipped in… as you do! And while torturing myself with a walk around I found a perfect ‘me’ sweater! It was seriously so me!!!! I knew there and then I had to have it! I couldn’t buy it I couldn’t own it brand new I needed someone to own it and miraculously no longer require it and offer it to me ….. but how? It would be breaking the challenge to buy it under any circumstance so I had to convince Someone else to do it… who? Well I had the perfect victim in mind! I have this ‘friend’ who thinks I’m pretty cool (most of the time) so I send her the snap with “you would look great in this” via iMessage…. wait a few days…. and of course she totally buys the sweater! Sends me a photo of it and says “I hope ur right I’m wearing to the movies with *^%# later” and my plan goes so well and as predicted I whine and whine about how I wish it was mine and she gives it to me after wearing it only a few times…. is this cheating? Is this how I’m going to get all my clothes now? I feel disgusting and a total cheat! Also my ‘friend’ totally knew my game and said I should cut the sweater up! 😦 I’m a brat through and through! I need help!

Temptation to buy unnecessary shit is back…..

It could be that I’m ill…. it could be that I’m celebrating getting a new job…… could be that I’m just getting back to me……weirdo, spendaholic crazy lady me! But lately I have had an uncomfortable urge to pull out the store cards and splurge on some unnecessary crap! I convinced myself Lena needed a light up colour changing wall clock and I should buy a shelve for it to go on and a completely different light shade for the room to Match the clock …. then I smacked myself across the face and had a firm word and reminded myself this is exactly the kind of stuff that has got me into the mess I currently find myself in! I’m prob just bored and craving a new ‘thing’ I love new stuff! I’m 40days in 325 to go…. no new stuff! I need to stay strong! I’m going to break soon tho this is really really hard! 😦 😦 it’s half term so I’m prob going to stay in (when I’m not working) to save myself the risk of spending!

It’s all starting to get too much :(

They say bad things come in 3s well I’ve had my 3 plus 3 plus 2 and I’m waiting to see what’s next! Sometimes I feel like my entire life it’s bad luck! I’m not every lucky and when I look around pretty much everyone is doing really well and I’m stuck scuffling along a uphill climb! So my car broke Friday… of course the wonderful Tiffany helped with the school run the college drop off the tear wiping and general counciling I required for the trauma it caused but along with it my daughter broke and became a loon who physically abused me at one point in anger!! And I was landed with a massive bill I had forgotten all about when I changed my card details in September!!! I’ve also had a horrendous time at work lately and now I’m up for a review 20days earlier than planned and I’m (too be frank) shitting myself! I already know how this will turn out and I’m dreading it! But I haven’t spent any money on anything other than food and for that I’m happy and I still have a holiday booked…. and I need to just look forward to that!!!! Now to get rid of my daughter to brownies for a hour and a half…..

Day 9! Faced my first hiccup…

It’s only been 9 days! As I was typing out the title I realised wow it’s only been 9 days…. my first thought was it feels much longer! My second thought how will I keep track of the days after January my math is good but not great I’m going by the date so far! So far I’m finding it easy I have been very tempted to buy things and I have found myself almost actually buying things but I haven’t bought anything at all yet! But like I said it’s only been 9 days. Lena has quit already and spend £27 of her Christmas money of ridiculous junk at Tesco and I tried so hard to stop her but I have terrible ear pain (another story) and did not have the energy to explain how I really didn’t want us doing that this year bla bla so I just let her! Not my money I guess and she’s 8 so what do I expect! I attended a funeral and although I own a tone of black clothes I really struggled to find something appropriate to wear and I almost reached for the store cards in desperation but thankfully I remembered I still had a bag of things to return to next (from my dec 29th binge buy) and I knew in there was a horrendous black shirt that actually fitted me really well so I threw it on and bam the perfect funeral outfit sorted! No money spent! No rules of my new challenge broken! No dull faced trips to the charity shop! Wooohoo first hurdle complete!!